Dorothy Martin-Neville, PhD, DCEP

Ethics is a topic that could be discounted as simply being a “given” whether we are living our personal journey all alone for the day, in a work relationship, or a personal relationship. In truth, however, it is never a “given.” It is, however, an essential part of our life experience and one of the basic factors in defining the flow of our energy field. As a result, it deserves a full length discussion. To support that end, I shall write a few thoughts.

Our personal ethics, our own individual view of what is right, fair, or moral in a situation, defines who we are, how we have chosen to live life, as well as how we have chosen to see the world. Clearly, then, it is a major aspect of our daily life. How often have you made a quick decision on something and then later had to sit with how that really feels for you, in your body? Have you ever said or done something that you later second-guessed as possibly not really being the truth for you? Have you ever agreed to do something or said no to something and then later felt uncomfortable in your own skin as a result?

As I see it, in those moments you went against your personal ethics. It feels to me at those moments that if I had really lived in my truth, if I had really followed the values, principles and vision I had for me, I wouldn’t have said, thought, or done such a thing, or I would have done it differently. It doesn’t feel good in my skin because it went against what I know to be the way in which I want to live my life, to live my truth. It went against who I have become after all these years of self-searching, of personal growth, and spiritual development.

That feeling of self-betrayal, because that is what it is, gives me pause to think of my life, what I have done with it, and how solid I feel in who I am. Those moments are also an opportunity to look at what issues are up for me that can cause me to abandon all the growth I have tried to achieve. As a healer, an educator, and a transpersonalist, I have worked to become what I teach. How could I not? So when I betray that, or even consider it, I feel it.

Amazingly, when personal ethics become a way of life, we discover how many times each day it can be challenged. Do I think of taking a handicapped parking space because it is so convenient, or because I will “only be a minute”? Do I consider, even for a minute, keeping that extra change a clerk has given me? Do I consider betraying a confidence to share something with a friend or colleague?
Do I truly believe that anyone can trust that I will always be upfront, honest, and in integrity?  If not, I am still in the process of developing or sustaining an ethical code to govern my life.

Because I am an energy worker and educator, and have been for over two decades now, I am acutely aware of how things feel in my body. In those moments when I act before registering, or when I speak knowing I am not certain of what I am saying, or not really convinced yet that what I am saying is exactly how I feel, in my body there is an experience of discomfort, a feeling of something not settling right. Those moments instantly cause me to stop, rethink, and reconsider before I go any further. They, to me, are my soul’s way of saying that I am betraying the truth of who I am. I believe completely that the soul speaks through the body and that when something doesn’t feel good in our body, we are being asked to stop and listen, and to come home.

As the head of a school with both 2 year and 4 year programs, I often meet some of my freshman students and hear them speak of never being in their body, living their life more in their heads or simply out of their body, I can see the challenge they will go through to overcome the fear of really being present in their life, really being at home in their bodies. How else will they come to truly, intrinsically, know who they are without being fully grounded, fully present in each moment of each day? They have missed the experience of feeling their vibrancy, their passion, their essence, and their full emotional range. They have missed themselves. What a journey the next four years will be as they learn to move in and relish the joy of who they are. What a way as well to learn what it feels like to know whenever they are in truth and when they are not.

I lived on Anguilla, BWI, in the Caribbean for close to 10 years until recently when I moved back to the United States. Having been gone for so long there is really a great deal to become reacquainted with that I didn’t notice for all the years I was away and only coming back for 10 days at a time 6 times a year. Either things have changed dramatically or else I have developed a whole new way of seeing things. Either is possible. What I do know is that I have now seen how easily people can have a sense of righteousness, a sense of entitlement. Where has that come from? What causes someone to believe that they are entitled to be treated specially, or better than the rest?  What causes someone to believe that they have the right to treat others with disrespect? What has happened that road rage is now something to fear? What ethical standard exists that someone can actually believe they have the right to behave that way?

Again, if our personal ethics defines who we are, what we see as right, fair, or moral, how can that apply in these situations? If you work for someone, do you give your best? I fully acknowledge that some days our best is 90% and other days it is 100%. But do you give it? Do you, because of unfinished personal process, decide you hate your job or your life so you therefore only give 50%? Is that fair? Right? Moral? If you are paid to work so many hours, in a committed, focused way, do you? Do you stay up too late, not get enough sleep, not get going in the morning, or all day, and still consider that a day of fair work for the pay?  Are you living up to your contract with your employer? What are your work ethics? Are they right, fair, and moral?

If you are the employer, or management, do you treat each employee with respect? Do you consider the workload? With more work than people to do it, do you still acknowledge your employees’ right to leave when they are done? Do you keep pushing until they break? Do you consider yourself part of the team or do you disassociate because you are not a part of the mix? Your work ethic defines the attitude of your department or of your company. My expectation is that my office staff works hard and in a focused productive way. I pay them the best that I can and I expect to be respected in return so that they give the best that they have to give. It seems fair, right, and moral to me. I also want to hear laughter. I want them to be thrilled to come to work each day, acknowledging that all of us have days when leaving the house is our last choice. When they finally do get here I want to welcome them with open arms and laughter. They deserve it. They deserve it for me to feel grateful and appreciative they are here.
From my perspective, that is a work ethic I want to continue to cultivate. Life is short, so we may as well enjoy the trip and relish those we meet along the way.

If you are in a relationship and you have committed to be a partner whether in friendship, business or as a lover, do you really support your growth so that you are continuously more present, thus more committed than before? Do you live your commitment to be there, emotionally, spiritually and physically or do you give the minimum and expect the other to carry the weight, or the responsibility, while you carry the power? Do you withhold and claim that that is who you are when in fact that is simply the way you have chosen to live your life? It has nothing to do with who you are in your essence, at the soul level. Can you ethically say “I am in this relationship.” when the greater part of you is hidden, held back or in fear? Are you willing to live a different ethical code, one that calls you to live your commitment, your words? Are you ready for the challenge of becoming who you claim to be, and becoming even more of you each day? That is the ethical way of doing relationship. That is fair, right and moral. It is also enlivening, life-giving and free flowing in your body. It is the embodiment of ethics.

No matter what context you are doing your journey in, living from the truth of the embodied soul, rather than from the fear or wounds of the personality allows you to remember the Truth of life, and the internalized, embodied ethics of the You that is the gift you bring to all you meet.

Contact: 860-461-7569  or email dorothymartin-neville.llc@comcast.net